Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
