maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
