When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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