u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i drank out of a bidet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
