Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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