you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
