To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
