this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
