Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
