Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cut my penus on the lid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
