Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
