I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
