I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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