I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My feet surprised me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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