I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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