And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
