and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
