Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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