You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
