Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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