I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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