Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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