You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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