I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
