My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
