just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
