Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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