that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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