just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
