booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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