3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
