I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
