you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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