There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
