Me. At least after what I've been through.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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