8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
