I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
