i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
