WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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