My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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