OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
