You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
