I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
