What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
