she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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