I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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