Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
