That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
