Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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