is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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