don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
