I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
birth control should be required to get into college
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
