I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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