When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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