all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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