I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
