The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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