why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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