Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
