I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
