it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
