Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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