Your tits are I can't wait for
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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