I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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