I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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