I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
