man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
