Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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