the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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