My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
