shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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