I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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