you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
